Where are you going?
Direction will help you stay on course
Last Friday, I was at my aunties funeral. Her death is an unexpected and devastating loss for my entire family.
Even though the funeral home was very clear about social distancing, I broke the rules deliberately because I wanted to hug my aunties, uncles, and cousins.
I have zero issues with social distancing from my co-workers and strangers in the supermarket, but it is hard not to hug loved ones when you are grieving together.
Even though it felt like the right thing at the moment, I regret it.
It felt good to hold my aunties, uncles, and cousins. But most of my uncles and aunties are elderly. If I am carrying the virus without being aware of it, I might have infected someone else. I try not to think about the possibility of one of my relatives getting sick. To be sure, I am self-quarantining this week.
The reason I am sharing this with you is that my actions once again show how hard it is for us to ignore short-term gratification instead of going for long term goals.
In the short term, breaking the rules felt good. In the long-term, I might come to regret this decision.
Why you need to know where you are going
We all struggle with short term distractions that keep us from reaching our long term goals.
>> Skipping the gym today makes you feel good in the short term. In the long term, it will probably set a precedent and have negative consequences. You will judge yourself for flaking, and you’ll be less fit than if you did go to the gym.
>> After a long day of hard work at your shitty 9-to-5, it feels incredible to roll yourself into a blanket burrito and watch Netflix. But if you want to make real changes in your life, you need to get off the couch and start working.
>> It might be easier to not stand up for yourself right now, to stay silent, and let that one demeaning comment go. But in the long term, you might give off a signal that it is okay for people to treat you like shit.
There are countless situations where doing some shitty short term action will make your life better in the long term.
But how do you know which decision will help you in the long term?
You need to know where you are going.
The first and most important step in finally living the life of your dreams is having your final destination in mind. What does your dream life look like? What does “living life on your own terms” exactly mean to you?
Do you have specific financial goals? Relationship goals? Do you want to change your living situation? Switch jobs? Own a company? Be mentally stable? Let go of toxic people?
If you know where you want to go, you can evaluate which of your habits and actions help you reach your destination.
80% of your actions should help you get there — why not 100%? Because we are humans, not machines. Our brains need idle time. There is nothing wrong with one night on the couch. You have a problem when 7 out of 7 nights are spent Netflixing.
So the next time you are facing a dilemma:
Speak up or stay quiet?
Stand still or keep moving?
Stay at my job or quit?
Go out with friends or study?
Be a couch burrito or grab my laptop and work?
Accept that my partner isn’t perfect or be single?
Ask yourself: what is helping me to get to my destiny?
You don’t have unlimited time
Last Wednesday evening, my auntie was at my dad’s place. They were chatting, having fun, and my auntie was talking about stuff she wanted to do.
The next day, she was dead.
It is never too late to turn your life around. It is never too late to live the life you want. But none of us know how much time we have left to live a happy life. I doubt your final words will be, “I wish I would’ve spent more time mindlessly scrolling through social media.”
So today I’m leaving you with three questions;
1. Where do you want to go?
2. What small step can you take today to get there?
3. Which short term actions are keeping you from reaching your long term goals?
Write about these questions in your journal, talk ’em through with a friend, or send me your musings.
I’ll get back to you next week. Until then: stay safe and love yourself.
XOXO
Judith - your 40 odd friend.